* I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the deblockedion in the catalogue: – ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall’. Eleanor Roosevelt.
* The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. George Burns.
* Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. Victor Borge.
* My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. Jimmy Durante.
* I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. Zsa Zsa Gabor.
* Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. Alex Levine.
* My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. Rodney Dangerfield.
* Money can’t buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. Spike Milligan.
* Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. Joe Namath.
* I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. W. C. Fields.
* We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. Will Rogers.
* Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. Winston Churchill.