Some funny takes on love and marriage!
• By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates.
• If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love. Miles Davis.
• You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale. Hussein Nishah.
• I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner.
• Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. Richard Jeni.
• If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? Lily Tomlin.
• Love is sharing your popcorn. Charles Schultz.
• Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
Professor Irwin Corey.
• To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful. Anonymous.
• Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprise at the large number that re-enlists. James Garner.
• My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. Joan Rivers.
• Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family. Chelsea Handler.
• What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
• Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. George Burns.
• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Groucho Marx.
• When a couple of young people strongly devoted to ea.ch other commence to eat onions, it is safe to pronounce them engaged. James Montgomery Bailey.
• A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor.
• Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. Anonymous.
• If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something. Fran Lebowitz.
• Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. Richard Pryor.
• My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. Jack Benny.
• When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.
• Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. Jackie Mason.
• Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with chopsticks; it looks easy until you try it. Helen Rowland.
• The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What… does a woman want?” Freud.
• Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. Joan Crawford.
• An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie.
• There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Chris Rock.
• My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light. Rodney Dangerfield.
• Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Samuel Johnson.
• Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. Albert Einstein.
• To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down. Woody Allen.
• Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller.
• I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?
Jean Illsley Clarke.
• I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. Woody Allen.
• True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. Erich Segal.
• A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
• Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock. Jewish Proverb.
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